One of the hardest things about rehab work is to know when to try and keep an animal alive and when to end its suffering. Before volunteering at the Sarvey Wildlife Care Center, I thought people who euthanized animals had given up on the animal and were getting rid of a problem they no longer wanted to deal with. After volunteering and seeing the suffering some of the animals go though, I now see it as a release from pain and suffering. I no longer think people who choose to euthanize gave up on the animal. They were just facing the reality that not every animal can be saved.

This past summer I found an animal who taught me a lot about pain, endurance, having a will to live, and euthanasia. I will tell her story because any animal who endured what she did deserves recognition and because the lessons she taught me should never be forgotten.

One afternoon on my way to volunteer at the Center, I found a Red Earred Slider Turtle in the middle of Burn Road. She had been hit by a car, and her shell was shattered into at least 6 separate pieces. At first I thought she was road-kill and stopped to move her to the side of the road so any scavengers wouldn't meet the same fate as their dinner. When I picked her up, she bit me and started kicking her legs in the air. I then rushed her up to the Center.

During her initial exam we tried to get the leaves and dirt out of the cracks in her shell. One piece of shell was hanging on by some flesh and her internal organs were exposed. Putting the pieces of her shell together was like doing a puzzle. If she were to have any chance to live, we had to get her to a vet soon. The staff at Sno-Wood Vet Clinic pulled through for us again, and we had an appointment with Dr. Riggs in 45 minutes (5 minutes before they closed). On the way to the vet, she was moving around her box; and every time I looked to make sure she was still alive, she would try to bite me.

After X-rays were taken and an exam was given, we discovered in addition to her injuries she was pregnant (carrying eggs). Dr. Riggs thought that it would be best for the turtle if we let her rest in an incubator overnight and tried to wire her shell in the morning. The next day when Dr. Riggs and Dr. Kraft started the procedure to repair her shell, they came across more complications. She was fighting bacterial and fungal infections and had maggots feasting on her internal organs. Based on the extent of the infections and the size of the maggots, she had been hit by a car at least three days prior to being found on the road. Everyone was amazed that she was still alive, alert, and fighting.

Despite her will to live, Dr. Kraft and Dr. Riggs knew that she would never recover and the rest of her life would be lived in agonizing pain. Dr. Briggs and I discussed our options. The turtle and the eggs would die even if we didn't euthanize her. Even if by some miracle she were to survive until parts of her shell healed, there were at least two substantial pieces that would never heal because they had been separated from the blood supply too long. If we could save the eggs, their chances of hatching were close to zero. (Dr. Kraft tried to humanely save the eggs, but they weren't viable.) Since there was no way this turtle would ever recover from her injuries, we decided that euthanasia was the best alternative.

Agreeing with the decision to euthanize the turtle was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have spent my entire life trying to help animals. I could not believe that I had just made a decision to take a life. But if I had fought to keep her alive, I would just prolong her pain. This turtle taught me that there are times when euthanasia is better than living She was the first animal where I had to help make a decision on euthanasia and decided for it. I have not regretted my decision, although if I had not made that decision I wouldn't have to live with the pain of knowing that I chose to kill her. She taught me that I must think of what is best for the animal and not for me.

On the box where we keep our euthanasia drug, there is a sign that says, "Spare a life by ending it." Until this turtle came into my life, that phrase always seemed to contradict itself.

Now I see that it doesn't.